Now that Google changed their settings I finally found my way to back to my blog again. It only took 3 days lol. I never claimed to be the brightest crayon in the box. I have a gripe today if you will. I have the most amazing wife in the world and I wouldn't change that for anything. I do wish I could change me. I wish I could be an electronic device sometimes. She is a very busy woman. She has school, her work (which is at the school) and now she is starting her own LBGT club at school. This is her dream in life and her passion in life and I never want to get in the way of that. I am having a hard time adjusting to this new routine as there is less than little time for me and the family. All though I want to jump for joy when I here of these new projects she is taking on, instead my heart sinks. Why you ask, because everything she does means less time for me. The very little time we have together is now filled with her new blogging project. I love her blogs they are funny and well written. She usually even has a valid point. Everyone loves her blogs and demands that she write more, so she does. But I am usually asleep by the time she is done blogging. When we go out she is on her phone 24/7. Weather it is work related, or a friend in crisis she is glued to the phone. She even stops in mid sentence to answer texts or emails, while I impatiently wait for her to finish what she was saying. So, yes the root of all of this is my overwhelming jealousy. If I were a phone I would be in her hand all the time. If I were a laptop I could sit her lap regularly, how ever I am none of these, so lack of time to give me attention leaves me feeling meaningless. I don't like being 'needy' or 'clingy' or ungrateful. I know she is doing this to better both of our futures, and make a better life for our kids, I get that. So I just keep my mouth shut. I am getting use to being on the back burner. I know she has so many important things to do in her life and I get jealous of the people and things in life that get her attention when I so desperately want it for myself.
I started this blog over a month ago, I was so happy and excited for it, however it was short lived. Immediatly my wife started her blog. Should I be proud that I gave her a great idea or inspired her in some way? I am sure that is the feeling I am suppose to have, but it's not. I feel over shadowed. Her blog is better, more well written, and funnier. We talk about her blog all the time, what she wrote, who read it and who I t ppl think of it. However, since starting mine, and struggling with it, all she has said about mine is good job baby. Of course it hurts my feelings and I feel like well then just give up and let her have the damn spotlight again. I really struggle with, are these normal feelings? Is the bipolar making me feel these things? Am I being selfish and self centered? How do I be supportive and all and not feel so left out. How do I make the few moments a week that we do get together be enough? This blog is not suppose to be a bash my wife blog, it is about my feelings and how do I cope with what I am feeling. Are these valid feelings, or am I over reacting?
Ranting over, hope you have a fantastic day!!!
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